Stay Tuned...
Hello All!
I'm back from Harrisburg, PA and boy do I have a story to tell! However, I can't really talk about right now seeing as I made need to "edit" and censor a lot of the story for the viewer's pleasure of course. So tomorrow (yeah, yeah I know you don't like it) I will have my story ready for you and you can read it.
In the meantime, I would like to include the last paper that I wrote for my English Composition Class entitled The unOfficial Guide to Anthony Carlos Estes. This paper reflects my first attempt to use humor in my works, so I hope you enjoy, and feel free to leave comments.
Until Next Time,
The Minibishop
Note: I just cut and pasted this file from my computer, so it's not going to look formatted, but for your information, this is MLA Format.
Estes 1
Anthony Estes
Professor Tom Golden
English 1113: English Composition
November 3, 2005
The unOfficial Guide to Anthony Carlos Estes
Anthony Estes
Professor Tom Golden
English 1113: English Composition
November 3, 2005
The unOfficial Guide to Anthony Carlos Estes
“Tony, you’re so old!”
“Tony, you’re so weird!”
“Tony, you’re so funny!
“Tony… you know you need a rule book. You’ve got too many issues…”
And this is why I don’t like people that much. Why do I have to be old, or weird? Just because I have old fashioned values doesn’t make me a freak of society. Yes, I would admit that I have ways about myself that would freak other people out, but I don’t think that makes me crazy. I think that makes me eccentric. Well, I’m providing a guide to understanding me. So maybe, when I meet new people, I can give them the manufacturer’s note and they could be appreciate me as a person. They’ll understand my sense of humor, what concerns me, and yes, my issues!
Although I’m a complex machine, I just want to provide a condensed list of rules that I live my life by. These are the rules that I define myself by. I formed these rules or principles about my self when I was young. They are just a reflection of the way I was raised. Principles or laws or rules of operation designed to protect and preserve a thing that was created to assure its maximum performance. The “rules” as I were taught by my parents assured that I would be a productive citizen and a good Christian young man,
Estes 2
which we all can admit that in this day and age in society is rare. That’s why I’m labeled weird. I’m rare. My intelligence, my style, my panache’ is all in rare form. That’s why I think I need to have a rule book. So everyone can understand why I do and say the things that I do.
Rule 24: Please think about the question you’re going to ask me before you ask it. It aggravates me when people ask me questions that they already know the answer too, yet they ask me anyway. For example: “Y’all I’m going to the store. Does anybody want anything?” “Hey Tony? Are you going to the store?” See? I just said that and someone like my sister asks me if I’m going to the store. ACH! Or maybe someone asks me what tomorrow is. There is a calendar right in front of them. Why can’t they just find out themselves? I have more important things to think about than trying to stop my train-of-a-brain to answer such a question.
Rule 38: Always let me hold the door open for you (ladies). I was raised in a house that was mainly matriarchal. Mom controlled everything. Dad had some authority, but when we would ask him a question, he’d refer us to mom. “Go ask your mamma”, he’d say. Anyway, with mom, dad, and three younger sisters, you can easily see that I was outnumbered by girls. And in an environment like that, it was the perfect training ground for me to learn to be polite to young ladies. So unlike my other childhood friends, instead of pulling their hair to show them that I liked them, I was just nice to them. This brings me to my example. When I hold the door open for a lady, why does she grab the door while I’m holding it for her? Does she think I might slam it in her face? Does look at my stature and think, this little kid is too short to be holding this big
“Tony, you’re so weird!”
“Tony, you’re so funny!
“Tony… you know you need a rule book. You’ve got too many issues…”
And this is why I don’t like people that much. Why do I have to be old, or weird? Just because I have old fashioned values doesn’t make me a freak of society. Yes, I would admit that I have ways about myself that would freak other people out, but I don’t think that makes me crazy. I think that makes me eccentric. Well, I’m providing a guide to understanding me. So maybe, when I meet new people, I can give them the manufacturer’s note and they could be appreciate me as a person. They’ll understand my sense of humor, what concerns me, and yes, my issues!
Although I’m a complex machine, I just want to provide a condensed list of rules that I live my life by. These are the rules that I define myself by. I formed these rules or principles about my self when I was young. They are just a reflection of the way I was raised. Principles or laws or rules of operation designed to protect and preserve a thing that was created to assure its maximum performance. The “rules” as I were taught by my parents assured that I would be a productive citizen and a good Christian young man,
Estes 2
which we all can admit that in this day and age in society is rare. That’s why I’m labeled weird. I’m rare. My intelligence, my style, my panache’ is all in rare form. That’s why I think I need to have a rule book. So everyone can understand why I do and say the things that I do.
Rule 24: Please think about the question you’re going to ask me before you ask it. It aggravates me when people ask me questions that they already know the answer too, yet they ask me anyway. For example: “Y’all I’m going to the store. Does anybody want anything?” “Hey Tony? Are you going to the store?” See? I just said that and someone like my sister asks me if I’m going to the store. ACH! Or maybe someone asks me what tomorrow is. There is a calendar right in front of them. Why can’t they just find out themselves? I have more important things to think about than trying to stop my train-of-a-brain to answer such a question.
Rule 38: Always let me hold the door open for you (ladies). I was raised in a house that was mainly matriarchal. Mom controlled everything. Dad had some authority, but when we would ask him a question, he’d refer us to mom. “Go ask your mamma”, he’d say. Anyway, with mom, dad, and three younger sisters, you can easily see that I was outnumbered by girls. And in an environment like that, it was the perfect training ground for me to learn to be polite to young ladies. So unlike my other childhood friends, instead of pulling their hair to show them that I liked them, I was just nice to them. This brings me to my example. When I hold the door open for a lady, why does she grab the door while I’m holding it for her? Does she think I might slam it in her face? Does look at my stature and think, this little kid is too short to be holding this big
Estes 3
door? I hate that. It’s like a challenge to my masculinity or something. Guys are totally different. I don’t hold the door open for them unless their old. But ladies, give me a break. I can hold the door open for you. It was the way I was raised. I’m not a common 20-year old. I’m a gentleman. I’m rare. Treat me right, and I’ll treat you right.
Rules 63-64: Foods. This is where I really drive people up the wall. I don’t eat Watermelon. “What kind of black man are you? You don’t eat watermelon?” Well excuse me. God forbid. That’s almost like saying that I don’t eat chicken. Then my soul would be in danger of eternal damnation. No, I don’t eat watermelon. The reason I give people for why I don’t is even crazier. “Watermelon is a naturally juicy fruit. And most times, when you eat watermelon, people are around, like at picnics. Say someone walks up to you and starts talking. Then a little spittle flies out of their mouth and lands in your watermelon. The juiciness of the fruit prevents you from pinpointing where it landed and continuing to eat it would be gross.” That is why I don’t eat watermelon. I’m not allergic to it, but psychologically I’ve made myself think that I am. If I smell watermelon, I get sick. Ok. I can admit that is a little extreme, but it’s the way that I am. I also don’t eat collard-greens which is another sin to black people. Well, I mean I will if that’s the only vegetable that’s available. But the whole concept is ridiculous. You go outside. You pick some grass up out of the ground. You put in a pot of water. You throw some ham-hock in it for seasoning. A few minutes later, you’ve got yourself a pot of greens. And when you eat it, it tastes like grass.
Rule 64 (supplemental): I don’t like my foods to touch. Need I say more?
Estes 4
Rule 5: Don’t eat or drink off of me. I’ve been in several romantic relationships. And we do everything together. You know- real romantic-like stuff. Like kissing. But when it comes down to my food and drink, that’s where I cross the line. I was at dinner with my ex-girlfriend (we did not break up because she broke this rule) one evening. And while we’re eating she takes a sip off my soda using my straw. “Go ahead and have it”, I said.
“What are you talking about?” she said.
“You just drank off my straw. So take it. I don’t want the soda anymore”.
“What? That’s ridiculous. We kiss all the time”
“I know, but when I’m eating or drinking, that belongs to me. Just me. Can’t I have something to myself?”
In my house, I was taught to share everything. Since I’ve been living on my own, I don’t have to share anymore. So when I get things for myself, I don’t want to share them. Besides, my girlfriend just needed to ask the waitress for a refill. How hard was that? The same energy she used to sip off my drink could’ve been better used to ask the waitress for a refill!
Rule 2: Never take me too seriously. I believe in laughter. Life is too short to go through life without laughing. Live and let live. When I’m being serious, you’ll know I’m being serious. But when I’m not, take the stick out of your butt and enjoy life. Sometimes it’s hard for me to take my own advice, but I always try to get a good laugh at least twice a day.
Estes 5
Rule 1 (and probably the most important): I’m always right- most of the time. If you’re to have any chance of getting along with me, you must remember this rule. I’m always right. I’m too smart to be wrong, so don’t argue with me. If you do, you’d better bring it. However, sometimes, and they are few and far between, I can be wrong-slightly. Maybe I got one detail wrong, but for the most part I was right. I have no problem apologizing. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. And that’s how I approach life. Make a mistake today, learn from it. Try it again tomorrow.
These aren’t all the rules, but I think this is enough for now. The problem with a project as massive as this one is that people change. Nobody stays the same. If you do, that is what makes you a freak. Everything in nature changes. Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall all bring about changes in the nature surrounding us. Animals can adapt. Humans can learn. So change is a necessary part of life. And trust me, as I continue to live, my rules will change. But one thing will always be a constant-life without laughter is hell.
door? I hate that. It’s like a challenge to my masculinity or something. Guys are totally different. I don’t hold the door open for them unless their old. But ladies, give me a break. I can hold the door open for you. It was the way I was raised. I’m not a common 20-year old. I’m a gentleman. I’m rare. Treat me right, and I’ll treat you right.
Rules 63-64: Foods. This is where I really drive people up the wall. I don’t eat Watermelon. “What kind of black man are you? You don’t eat watermelon?” Well excuse me. God forbid. That’s almost like saying that I don’t eat chicken. Then my soul would be in danger of eternal damnation. No, I don’t eat watermelon. The reason I give people for why I don’t is even crazier. “Watermelon is a naturally juicy fruit. And most times, when you eat watermelon, people are around, like at picnics. Say someone walks up to you and starts talking. Then a little spittle flies out of their mouth and lands in your watermelon. The juiciness of the fruit prevents you from pinpointing where it landed and continuing to eat it would be gross.” That is why I don’t eat watermelon. I’m not allergic to it, but psychologically I’ve made myself think that I am. If I smell watermelon, I get sick. Ok. I can admit that is a little extreme, but it’s the way that I am. I also don’t eat collard-greens which is another sin to black people. Well, I mean I will if that’s the only vegetable that’s available. But the whole concept is ridiculous. You go outside. You pick some grass up out of the ground. You put in a pot of water. You throw some ham-hock in it for seasoning. A few minutes later, you’ve got yourself a pot of greens. And when you eat it, it tastes like grass.
Rule 64 (supplemental): I don’t like my foods to touch. Need I say more?
Estes 4
Rule 5: Don’t eat or drink off of me. I’ve been in several romantic relationships. And we do everything together. You know- real romantic-like stuff. Like kissing. But when it comes down to my food and drink, that’s where I cross the line. I was at dinner with my ex-girlfriend (we did not break up because she broke this rule) one evening. And while we’re eating she takes a sip off my soda using my straw. “Go ahead and have it”, I said.
“What are you talking about?” she said.
“You just drank off my straw. So take it. I don’t want the soda anymore”.
“What? That’s ridiculous. We kiss all the time”
“I know, but when I’m eating or drinking, that belongs to me. Just me. Can’t I have something to myself?”
In my house, I was taught to share everything. Since I’ve been living on my own, I don’t have to share anymore. So when I get things for myself, I don’t want to share them. Besides, my girlfriend just needed to ask the waitress for a refill. How hard was that? The same energy she used to sip off my drink could’ve been better used to ask the waitress for a refill!
Rule 2: Never take me too seriously. I believe in laughter. Life is too short to go through life without laughing. Live and let live. When I’m being serious, you’ll know I’m being serious. But when I’m not, take the stick out of your butt and enjoy life. Sometimes it’s hard for me to take my own advice, but I always try to get a good laugh at least twice a day.
Estes 5
Rule 1 (and probably the most important): I’m always right- most of the time. If you’re to have any chance of getting along with me, you must remember this rule. I’m always right. I’m too smart to be wrong, so don’t argue with me. If you do, you’d better bring it. However, sometimes, and they are few and far between, I can be wrong-slightly. Maybe I got one detail wrong, but for the most part I was right. I have no problem apologizing. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. And that’s how I approach life. Make a mistake today, learn from it. Try it again tomorrow.
These aren’t all the rules, but I think this is enough for now. The problem with a project as massive as this one is that people change. Nobody stays the same. If you do, that is what makes you a freak. Everything in nature changes. Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall all bring about changes in the nature surrounding us. Animals can adapt. Humans can learn. So change is a necessary part of life. And trust me, as I continue to live, my rules will change. But one thing will always be a constant-life without laughter is hell.
posted by The Minibishop @ 11/08/2005 06:55:00 AM
5 Comments:
Bravo!!! That was a good paper. I'm looking foward to the story from Harrisburg. See ya.
Reporting Live as always,
Lisa Allen
TOny you are wierd and have lots of issues and old but guess what thats why we love you without all those quirks you just wouldn't be you and I for one would not be able to handle that. So don't let that the comments people make about those facts bother you. Anyway much luv and keep writing
Holla at me
Tony...I am just now seeing this post for the first time. I can not tell you how red my face is from laughing...and I'm at work. I know the guy in the cube behind me wishes I would shut up. I am flabber-gasted at this. But you know what....you do a WONDERFUL job at being you. I don't think anybody can imitate or duplicate the genetic mishaps you possess. As a Technical Writer myself...I must admit, there is no manual nor disclaimer that anybody can originate to describe or understand you. Please be convinced that I say this out of love. You know I love you Tony.
P.S. UGH...JUST THE THOUGHT OF YOU KISSING JUST MAKES ME WANT TO BARF....YUK!!! And I hope you weren't referring to Jeroboam...LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Wow, Faith. At first I didn't understand the Jeroboam thing... Then it hit me! And no, I was not referring to her!
Good...'cause that's just NASTY!!! :(
Post a Comment
<< Home